It's Beginning to FEEL a Lot Like Christmas

The past few weeks I have had great difficulty writing my thoughts because they were filled with personal tragedy and heartbreak. Not completely of course, most of the time the hope in my heart overcame those thoughts; however, whenever I put fingers to keyboard the deeper emotions would rise to the surface and I was not at liberty to share those thoughts. By the time I swept them away I didn't have anything I felt I could express. But God does provide us a way to deal with heartbreak. And that is through time. I have always heard people say time heals and I still don't agree. I know that God heals, but He did give us time and as each day passes He shows us that if we stay focused on Him our hearts grow stronger even if they have not healed.

I have always loved Christmas. As a child it was the only day of the year when I received a new toy and the only day when our family appeared "normal" to my eyes. The first year I was married my husbands grandfather passed away which allowed my husband to get leave from the Navy and allowed us to travel home. But it didn't feel like Christmas. It was different. The next one consisted of a 5 minute phone call from Greece where my husband was stopped on his tour with the Navy. Needless to say that was not the Christmas of my dreams either. A few years later we spent the Christmas season at the hospital and a Christmas Eve funeral left a huge scar on my heart. After that there was always a hint of sadness surrounding Christmas. I still loved the music and the lights and seeing faces light up when gifts were bestowed. It was just different. If someone experiences tragedy in December it somehow seems worse because "Christmas is coming". And if that tragedy involves a baby the pain appears magnified by this time of promised joy through the birth of a baby.

Today, with the assistance of my grandson and husband, I decorated my daughter's pink tree in her former bedroom. Though she is married this will always be her tree. My grandson began to sing "Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree" and suddenly it did begin to feel a lot like Christmas. When we finished it was so beautiful and it was just what I needed at the moment.

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12