Prayers Needed!

A phone call, a frantic drive to the hospital and our granddaughter will arrive very soon. Hopefully, not until morning and without drama. Although drama is already present in this crisis.

At her appointment this afternoon it was discovered that there was very little amniotic fluid present and the baby must be delivered quickly. A nurse literally walked our daughter over to the hospital maternity floor where within minutes she was in bed and the baby was being monitored.

Because of the anticoagulant our daughter injects each morning, it will be very risky to deliver the baby before morning.

I am not sure who I am more afraid for, the baby or my daughter. They are one and the same now. I am begging God to cradle them both in His arms and let us, especially her, have this baby. Please God, do not take this gift from us now. And I have peace again. I know He has not brought us this far without a plan that will bring Him praise and glory.


" Let heaven and earth praise him, The seas, and everything that moveth therein."

Psalm 69:34

Let It Be

The first Day

(the first day I knew a baby was growing)

Mixed emotions, feelings flooding,
saying the wrong things
before saying the right thing.
Praying, praying, praying.
Trying not to think,
needing to think,
Wanting to imagine
the possibilities.
Subdued excitement, inner joy
Could it be a sweet little boy?

Imploring God
Praying, Dear Jesus, please;
Knowing He already knows,
The prayer changes,
Help me accept His will
Whatever it might be.
He knows, He holds the key.
Whatever will bring glory to Him
Is right
But please let this be
just let it be.

Lord, we’ve been here before
We know what could be ahead.
We know at some point the road forks.
The mist shadows our view,
Will we travel on the right
Please, can we keep to right?
There are thorns of pain on the left.
Ahead the snow flakes swirl
Soft and sweet as a baby girl.

Let this be, Lord,
Please, just let it be.

NO WORRIES

Today I ventured into Babies R Us to choose a gift for an upcoming shower. I had been in this store numerous times to purchase gifts for expectant or new Moms. I had even browsed here with my own daughter when she was pregnant.

Today I was caught off guard by the overwhelming emotion as I stepped through the door. My eyes darted quickly away from the racks of pink and blue onesies and tiny precious shoes. My heart suddenly felt so heavy. I turned towards the checkout counter and hurriedly grabbed a gift card.

One day I would walk through the aisles again and sigh over the adorable small creations, but not today. Today a gift card was the best I could do.

As I walked out into the sunshine of a perfect sun filled day, I did not see it. Tears threatened to turn into sobs. I took a deep breath and attempted push the pain away.

I think I must never show how much my heart breaks for her, and for me. I think I must forever be her cheerleader. But then I read this and know that today she is mine.

FINALLY!

The Dr finally called with the results of the biopsy.
It confirmed what he suspected and I already knew.

lichen planus
Unfortunately there is no cure for it,
it is a chronic autoimmune inflammatory condition.
Nothing to be done but keep an eye on it.
Magic Mouthwash
(yes that is really the name of a concoction the pharmacist mixes)
is the only med prescribed.
It can come
and go,
so please pray
that it will go away for a while.
I am very hungry
and tired of frozen yogurt!
You would think
I would have lost weight
during the past couple of months,
but it is just the opposite.
Turns out sweet tea
and frozen yogurt
are not an ideal weight loss plan.

~

"Be joyful in hope,

patient in affliction,

faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12

WAITING

I had to wait a long time for a scheduled biopsy. The waiting gave me time to become nervous.

I listened to praise and worship music through my iPod to keep myself calm and focused. After an hour alone in the little surgical room I began to wonder if everyone had gone home. It was nearing 6 o'clock and my appointment had been for 4:30.

I clicked the iPod off to listen for activity in the building. What I heard was the Doctor saying "I'm sorry..." I couldn't hear the rest.

Then the Doctor came in and told me the results of blood work (almost all good news)

The biopsy was, despite the stinging anesthetic, nearly painless (why are we surprised when God answers our prayers?). I was leaving when I saw a woman crying in the hallway and I knew that on this day I was the fortunate one.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17

Either way He is a comfort!

WHEN GOD MAKES PERFECT SENSE

A few years ago I discovered a Dobson book entitled When God Doesn't Make Sense. I was enduring trials brought on by misguided Christians in my church family. None of it made any sense to me at the time. I asked God why? I thought about Job a lot. I prayed a lot. Still, I was crushed in spirit. As I struggled through those dark days I found ways outside the church to use my gifts instead of dealing with the painful circumstances at church. In effect, I let others decide my response to their own weaknesses.

While Satan may have worked hard to sabotage my assignments from God, he could only have a temporary hold as my strength came from a mighty fortress. Standing firmly now, from the other side of pain, I clearly see that God did make sense all along.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness"

2 Corinthians 12:9

Had I allowed Him, God would have given me the grace to stand firm in the face of my accusers. Instead for years afterward I would get unexpected barbs from certain persons because they had heard something and accepted it as truth. I ignored these, thinking I was not defending myself. However, I realized later that it was God I was not defending. It was His reputation I did not protect since I was serving in His name.

There is always a reason God allows us to suffer and in the end our actions and reactions should glorify Him. Keeping silent is not always the right thing to do. It is in surviving any ordeal that we are able to relate to others who are struggling. It is then that we are able to share that His promises are indeed true. And this is the likely reason for our trials!

I can not remember where I saw this. It isn't mine. But it is true.

Believe God ~ Follow His instructions ~ Receive His promise

Prayer Request:

The one who reminded me of this verse is enduring a trial of her own. It may appear that God is not making sense right now. Please pray that His plan will soon become clear.

I AM NOT ASHAMED!

Where did you take the name of Jesus today? Did you take Him to your job? Did you take Him with you to hang out after work? Was He sitting at your table? Did you mention His name?

Would you be embarrassed to show His name to the world? I wonder.

WHERE DID YOU TAKE HIS NAME TODAY?

Say I am not ashamed by sending your photos to jesusnamegallery@gmail.com

"I will praise you, O Lord, with all of my heart:... I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

And don't forget to pray for STELLAN!

Weekend Prayer Spa Booster

The prayer spa is such a good idea. I wish every stressed woman could experience a combination of prayer, spiritual cleansing and physical renewal.

I have found it a struggle to write during the past weeks. I struggle to wrap my brain around the fact that Julia is not here. I visit my brother and listen to his list of post death chores. It is unbelievable or unthinkable that there are those who call him and question decisions he has made. He simply did everything Julia asked of him.

I remember when our baby was critically ill and the doctors said "Prepare yourself, he isn't likely to make it through this." And, I thought, how do you prepare yourself? You are praying for a miracle, wouldn't preparing for disappointment reveal a lack of faith?

And we had an entire year to know that Julia would die from the melanoma. We didn't prepare because we were praying she would live. Later we were simply praying that she would live to see her daughter graduate college in May.

Three years of battling cancer and yet it seemed so sudden. I asked my brother, "Do you feel that it was too quick." And he answered, "Yes, even though Julia took a last look around our house before we left for the hospital."
Even though she told him she would not be returning home. It still seemed too soon.

Grief takes time, some say an entire year of firsts must go by before you can really move on. The first birthday, the first Christmas, etc.
Death is somewhat like birth. Mysterious and miraculous, too. Is it always such a surprise? The wonder of new life and the marvel of life leaving us to be with Jesus.

I know that thirty three years later I still feel a pang of sadness when I think of my baby. No wonder, only 6 weeks later I have not fully accepted that a family member is no longer on the earth. Why does the world not allow time to grieve. Why must we be rushed to return to our 'normal' routine. Even at church the bereavement/prayer list only posted Julia's name for one week. What?

With our baby the thought that haunted me was, "I forgot to put a blanket around him in the tiny casket." As if he would feel cold.

With Julia it is that I wanted to tell her to go find my daughters' babies and hold them for us until we arrived. (I promise I am not losin it. It is 2 a.m. and I think I might actually be asleep) I didn't tell her that because she was still fighting to live.
And we were still praying for a miracle.

Perhaps it is God's desire that we never feel totally content here on earth. There are better things, better times, in a better place.

OK, I think I am beginning to ramble. My point was, I have had trouble focusing on writing. Maybe writing the above has loosened the strap of grief around my heart.
Maybe the weekend at the Prayer Spa helped. Thank you Jesus!

Maybe in the morning I will read this and it won't make sense. But, God will make sense of it for me.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:

for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4

Prayers Answered, Healing Came

" There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,.."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 (TNIV)

As we stood watch during the final hours of the earthly life of my sister-in-law, Julia, visitors began to share how committed Julia was to fulfilling her responsibilities as a Christian and as a church member. She had taken seriously her role as a mother even in the face of opposition when others didn’t understand her reasoning.

With time growing short she was completing tasks that many would have left undone. She wanted her final tithe to be delivered along with her offering to GPS to help feed the hungry. She demonstrated love for her family by meticulously making decisions in advance. The comment most often voiced was that Julia was never heard complaining throughout her long illness and always had a smile on her face. We all agreed that was an example we hoped we could follow.

What are you portraying as your journey proceeds?

Is the vision of all those around you following your example a beautiful Masterpiece?

Or, is it an unsightly drawing that should be discarded?

~

What will people say about you when you reach the end of your journey?

~

"Show me, LORD, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting my life is."

Psalm 39:4 (TNIV)

~

Hiatus Interruptus!

Some things are worth an interruption in your hiatus. If you stop by this blog please take a moment to pray for Julia. God will know which Julia you are referring to. She is my sister -in -law and she is living with stage IV melanoma. The battle is raging and God is ready to hear an army of prayers for her healing.

"The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well;

the Lord will raise him up.

If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

James 5:15-16

Please drop a word in the comment box to let me know a prayer went up!

Still on the Island

After the detox, massage is available for an unlimited time. Be still and allow the Father to massage your heart. As you feel His love poured out on your soul you will notice all of the tensions and worries flow from your mind and body.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

HHI Prayer Spa Continued

Here on the Island the first step at the spa is detoxing. God has provided us with a convenient, free, detox plan called prayer. By following the proper steps in prayer, we can detox our heart through confession. Appointments are available 24/7 and may vary in length if you have need of a more complex session. More effective in ridding the heart and mind of impurities than sitting all day in a sauna.

"Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart."

Psalm 24:3-4

Prayer Spa at Hilton Head

I am on a personal prayer retreat that always feels like a trip to the spa. God always gives me just what I need. We can never out give God! "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place." 2 Corinthians 2:14