Prayers Needed!

A phone call, a frantic drive to the hospital and our granddaughter will arrive very soon. Hopefully, not until morning and without drama. Although drama is already present in this crisis.

At her appointment this afternoon it was discovered that there was very little amniotic fluid present and the baby must be delivered quickly. A nurse literally walked our daughter over to the hospital maternity floor where within minutes she was in bed and the baby was being monitored.

Because of the anticoagulant our daughter injects each morning, it will be very risky to deliver the baby before morning.

I am not sure who I am more afraid for, the baby or my daughter. They are one and the same now. I am begging God to cradle them both in His arms and let us, especially her, have this baby. Please God, do not take this gift from us now. And I have peace again. I know He has not brought us this far without a plan that will bring Him praise and glory.


" Let heaven and earth praise him, The seas, and everything that moveth therein."

Psalm 69:34

The Dr Appointment from Hell!

even that could not spoil my cheerful mood!


I will think about it tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day!


Savannah nights! Sleeping in a very high bed...literally had to climb in!
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. well I will say that after Ms Nurse Practitioner interrogated me and tossed my broken body into a corner, she then stomped on my heart to make sure I knew who was boss.
When she saw a tear slip out of my eye and slide down my confused cheek, she asked, "Have you seen anyone about your depression?"
...I did muster up the strength to inform her that I was not depressed before I met her today!

Then, as I crawled over the other broken bodies to get out of there, she said, "Now that I have destroyed you, what are you going to do now? ........................................
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and I smiled,........................................................
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and answered..........................
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"I'm going to DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!



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ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS - JOY

I was just thinking tonight about how happy I have felt this week. And it occurred to me that some people who do not have a personal relationship with God, might not understand why I could feel happy when so many things have gone wrong lately for me and my family members.

Life has thrown a few punches at us recently. But in the midst of serious concerns there is no reason to feel hopeless or helpless either, for that matter.


Knowing that God is in control and whatever happens He either planned for us or He is allowing to happen means that there is no need to worry or feel anxious. Even when my heart aches for a son who must deal with the ongoing issues of divorced parenting or my daughter who still waits for the gift of motherhood. Even then I know that God loves them and wants His best for them.


When my DH is faced with salary reductions and other job frustrations, I am thankful that he has a job. When my health issues prevent me from physically eating favorite foods or living a pain free energetic lifestyle,, I am assured that God wants me to appreciate other things in my life. (It does make me wonder what He is preparing us for in the future.)

I am happy when my family is happy, but more important than happiness is obedience to God's instructions. Obedience produces joy. I am praying that my children do not take as many years to figure this out as I have.

The third day of Christmas finds me physically tired after all of the celebration activities, but spiritually energized with joy!

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;" Romans 5:3

CONSIDER IT JOY!!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers,

whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith

develops perseverance.

Perseverance must finish its work

so that you may be mature and complete,

not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4

~

I am amazed ,

although I shouldn't be,

at God's grace to me.

I have persevered through trials during my life

and especially the past few years.

And finally know the joy

that comes through this process.

Instead of continually feeling discouraged

after the bumps in the road,

I quickly feel almost elated that

having Satan come after me

is an assurance that I am a threat to his evil plans.

~

Consider this,

if Satan never attacks you,

is it because you are not seen as a threat?

What makes Weebles Wobble?

Weebles have a weight at the bottom end,

Weebles wobble when pushed,

but never fall completely over.

~

I feel like a weeble this week.

Except my weight is on my shoulders

I am wobbly, but

With God's help I will not fall over!

~

Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!

~

It is funny to picture myself tipping over

and then popping back up.

I bet I surprise some people!

LOL

~

"It is for freedom that God has set us free.

Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be

burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Galations 5:1

GOD IS GOOD

"Job scraped his skin with a piece of broken pottery as he sat among the ashes.

His wife said to him, 'Are you still trying to maintain your integrity?

Curse God and die.'

But Job replied, 'You talk like a foolish woman.

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?'

So in all this, Job said nothing wrong."

Job 2:8–10

~~~~~~~~~~~

I notice that when Christians share good news,
they often say something like
"God is good." or "God is so good."
But, I don't usually see comments on fear, pain, anxiety,
or other troubles followed with that statement.

We tend to want to emphasize how good God is
when He has been especially good to us or someone we love.
Sometimes, we follow that statement with 'ALL THE TIME'.

If we truly believe that,
then we should exclaim "GOD IS GOOD."
even when the news is bad

or we are struggling.

Yesterday Satan viciously attacked me.
I was stunned, unable to respond appropriately
and I was disheartened.

But I want to say, despite that cold, brutal attack
GOD IS GOOD.

Because if He is good on the mountain,
then He is good in the valley.
God has been so good to me,
He is good right now
and He will be good tomorrow.
God is good!!!

~~~~

How has God been good to you today?

WAITING

I had to wait a long time for a scheduled biopsy. The waiting gave me time to become nervous.

I listened to praise and worship music through my iPod to keep myself calm and focused. After an hour alone in the little surgical room I began to wonder if everyone had gone home. It was nearing 6 o'clock and my appointment had been for 4:30.

I clicked the iPod off to listen for activity in the building. What I heard was the Doctor saying "I'm sorry..." I couldn't hear the rest.

Then the Doctor came in and told me the results of blood work (almost all good news)

The biopsy was, despite the stinging anesthetic, nearly painless (why are we surprised when God answers our prayers?). I was leaving when I saw a woman crying in the hallway and I knew that on this day I was the fortunate one.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17

Either way He is a comfort!

WHEN GOD MAKES PERFECT SENSE

A few years ago I discovered a Dobson book entitled When God Doesn't Make Sense. I was enduring trials brought on by misguided Christians in my church family. None of it made any sense to me at the time. I asked God why? I thought about Job a lot. I prayed a lot. Still, I was crushed in spirit. As I struggled through those dark days I found ways outside the church to use my gifts instead of dealing with the painful circumstances at church. In effect, I let others decide my response to their own weaknesses.

While Satan may have worked hard to sabotage my assignments from God, he could only have a temporary hold as my strength came from a mighty fortress. Standing firmly now, from the other side of pain, I clearly see that God did make sense all along.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness"

2 Corinthians 12:9

Had I allowed Him, God would have given me the grace to stand firm in the face of my accusers. Instead for years afterward I would get unexpected barbs from certain persons because they had heard something and accepted it as truth. I ignored these, thinking I was not defending myself. However, I realized later that it was God I was not defending. It was His reputation I did not protect since I was serving in His name.

There is always a reason God allows us to suffer and in the end our actions and reactions should glorify Him. Keeping silent is not always the right thing to do. It is in surviving any ordeal that we are able to relate to others who are struggling. It is then that we are able to share that His promises are indeed true. And this is the likely reason for our trials!

I can not remember where I saw this. It isn't mine. But it is true.

Believe God ~ Follow His instructions ~ Receive His promise

Prayer Request:

The one who reminded me of this verse is enduring a trial of her own. It may appear that God is not making sense right now. Please pray that His plan will soon become clear.

Bummer!

That's my family today! Bummed on all sides. It isn't fair, but you know what they say about that...

A loved one lost his court case when he was the one in the right. It's a fact that whoever has the best lawyer or the most money wins. Doesn't matter that he was assaulted. The person who assaulted him now has won a monetary judgment simply because he was angry that he was arrested.

Doesn't matter that the assault was recorded and presented as evidence. Doesn't matter that you were simply doing your job when you were assaulted. Doesn't matter. There really isn't always justice in the justice system.

Now I'm double bummed!

An angry person assaults you.
You call the police.
The police arrest the assaulter.
The assaulter is angry and takes you to court.
Now You must pay your assaulter.
This doesn't make sense...

The criminal has free reign in the future because you can't afford to call the police again.

Sad.

Even sadder that you were simply doing your job and now this will be in court records forever.

Will somebody tell me what we have learned from this?

"With God we will gain the victory,

and he will trample down our enemies."

Psalm 60:12

Weekend Prayer Spa Booster

The prayer spa is such a good idea. I wish every stressed woman could experience a combination of prayer, spiritual cleansing and physical renewal.

I have found it a struggle to write during the past weeks. I struggle to wrap my brain around the fact that Julia is not here. I visit my brother and listen to his list of post death chores. It is unbelievable or unthinkable that there are those who call him and question decisions he has made. He simply did everything Julia asked of him.

I remember when our baby was critically ill and the doctors said "Prepare yourself, he isn't likely to make it through this." And, I thought, how do you prepare yourself? You are praying for a miracle, wouldn't preparing for disappointment reveal a lack of faith?

And we had an entire year to know that Julia would die from the melanoma. We didn't prepare because we were praying she would live. Later we were simply praying that she would live to see her daughter graduate college in May.

Three years of battling cancer and yet it seemed so sudden. I asked my brother, "Do you feel that it was too quick." And he answered, "Yes, even though Julia took a last look around our house before we left for the hospital."
Even though she told him she would not be returning home. It still seemed too soon.

Grief takes time, some say an entire year of firsts must go by before you can really move on. The first birthday, the first Christmas, etc.
Death is somewhat like birth. Mysterious and miraculous, too. Is it always such a surprise? The wonder of new life and the marvel of life leaving us to be with Jesus.

I know that thirty three years later I still feel a pang of sadness when I think of my baby. No wonder, only 6 weeks later I have not fully accepted that a family member is no longer on the earth. Why does the world not allow time to grieve. Why must we be rushed to return to our 'normal' routine. Even at church the bereavement/prayer list only posted Julia's name for one week. What?

With our baby the thought that haunted me was, "I forgot to put a blanket around him in the tiny casket." As if he would feel cold.

With Julia it is that I wanted to tell her to go find my daughters' babies and hold them for us until we arrived. (I promise I am not losin it. It is 2 a.m. and I think I might actually be asleep) I didn't tell her that because she was still fighting to live.
And we were still praying for a miracle.

Perhaps it is God's desire that we never feel totally content here on earth. There are better things, better times, in a better place.

OK, I think I am beginning to ramble. My point was, I have had trouble focusing on writing. Maybe writing the above has loosened the strap of grief around my heart.
Maybe the weekend at the Prayer Spa helped. Thank you Jesus!

Maybe in the morning I will read this and it won't make sense. But, God will make sense of it for me.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:

for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4

Prayers Answered, Healing Came

" There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,.."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 (TNIV)

As we stood watch during the final hours of the earthly life of my sister-in-law, Julia, visitors began to share how committed Julia was to fulfilling her responsibilities as a Christian and as a church member. She had taken seriously her role as a mother even in the face of opposition when others didn’t understand her reasoning.

With time growing short she was completing tasks that many would have left undone. She wanted her final tithe to be delivered along with her offering to GPS to help feed the hungry. She demonstrated love for her family by meticulously making decisions in advance. The comment most often voiced was that Julia was never heard complaining throughout her long illness and always had a smile on her face. We all agreed that was an example we hoped we could follow.

What are you portraying as your journey proceeds?

Is the vision of all those around you following your example a beautiful Masterpiece?

Or, is it an unsightly drawing that should be discarded?

~

What will people say about you when you reach the end of your journey?

~

"Show me, LORD, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting my life is."

Psalm 39:4 (TNIV)

~

A Life is A Life, No Matter How Small

I believe what God's word says about life,

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you," Jeremiah 1:5

I vote life not pro choice. As far as I know my Christian friends vote the same way. Any of us would be quick to speak for pro life and against pro choice if we were asked our views. We would probably recite scripture to back up our claims. Why then do we act as if we do not believe this? How can we expect the world to understand our pro life view if we do not live as if we believe it.

When my daughter lost her third pregnancy we were heartbroken. We had viewed the ultrasound, we had prayed for the health of this child. We were devastated. Yet, when Christian friends asked how my daughter was doing and I replied, "She has lost her baby." (not a miscarriage) most said things like, "Oh, that happens, she can have another." Since when are human beings so easy to replace as in, "Oh, you dropped your cookie. Here, let me get you another one."

Thankfully there were a few who said, "I am so sorry. or I am sorry your family has to go through this." And I thank God for those few. Most asked intrusive questions, or made shocking remarks. Even from extended family. So much advice to be sifted through. My daughter, and me too, wanted to scream "This is the third time!"

Even her grandmother's first remark was, "How far was she?" This was the # one question. While we realize it is far more difficult to deal with losing a full term baby than an 11 week one, is one a greater tragedy than the other? That is IF we believe what we say we believe. A life is a life. It felt as if the compassion was rationed out based on how far along the pregnancy was.

Then I began to notice that people rationed out their joy and congratulations in the same way. When I announced to my morning exercise buddies that my daughter had just confided that she is pregnant, one of the women quickly remarked, "What is she, 5 days?" "Actually she is 5 weeks", I answered, and then proceeded to give a short lecture on why women do this to other women. Either you are pregnant or you are not pregnant. If you are pregnant then there is a life and if there is a life are we to ignore it until it is of a worthy age?

I think not. If there is life, then I have a grandchild on the way and it would be negligent of me to skip praying for that child because he or she was not "big enough" yet.

So, the result of all the thoughtless, and sometimes hurtful, remarks was that when my Daughter and Son-in-love were blessed with another pregnancy they decided to tell no one. They made this decision in order to avoid the painful remarks if things did not go well. They told me and my husband and my Daughter's boss and allowed me to share with a couple of friends who did not live nearby. So we had a very small prayer team. Eventually they allowed us to share with my son and his wife.

It is stressful keeping secrets, but the need was emphasized for me one Sunday when a friend at church asked about them. I simply said please pray and shared a recent story where an elderly relative had shook his finger at my daughter and said, "You better get to it." He did not know she was pregnant nor did he remember what she had gone through last spring. His shocking remark caused her to feel pressure to provide the family a child. Pressure she did not need. My "friend" said, "Daughter is hyper sensitive" and said it as a criticism. I became pretty hyper sensitive myself and I had to bite my tongue.

So we all held our breathes and prayed until the first ultrasound, all the while trying to hide our joy. A week after the first ultrasound there was a sign of trouble and another ultrasound was performed with a more hopeful outcome. During these weeks every time a the phone rang I was a little apprehensive about answering. When it was my daughter I didn't relax until I heard her sweet calm voice.

One day my daughter and I went shoe shopping and she allowed herself to walk through the baby section of the department store. Excitement creeping in at the thought of sweet babies.

Then came another ultrasound in December and thankfully a new, kinder and more compassionate doctor to give the dreaded news. Even the nurses in this practise said how sorry they were. And this time the hospital staff were even more compassionate because "it's her 4th loss. " For the rest of the world, my daughter dealt with this nightmare alone except for her husband and parents. This time there were no kind church members to bring food or friends to send flowers. We kept the secret so well that three days after undergoing surgery the two of them hosted our annual extended family Christmas party at their home and the guests didn't even know she had lost a child a few days before. Even writing that breaks my heart. They could have cancelled the party but then we would have had to explain why.

Grieving alone. All because we let others steal our joy. There are so many lessons to be learned through this. We shouldn't allow others steal our joy, live what you say you believe, and have mercy, show compassion and empathy for others pain or loss. All you need to do is say "I'm sorry" or simply give a warm hug. Neither of those things will take away the pain, but they won't add to it either. Allow women to grieve, don't try to sweep away their feelings. Every one's grief is different. I grieve not only for my grandchild but for the dream of motherhood for my child. I, also, grieve for my daughter's lost innocence. Life is hard and it is even harder to watch your children suffer. My daughter's grief is different from the worlds grief. She does not grieve as one without hope.

Grief seems more poignant at Christmas, perhaps because our thoughts are on a baby who came to save the world. There are so many reminders of God's love for us and He will magnify our Joy.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. "

James 1:2-3

HANDMADE CHRISTMAS CARDS

For more than 30 years I have sent cards at Christmas and for at least 25 years I have designed and made the cards myself. When the country was complaining about the price of stamps (15 cents, why it's highway robbery!!!) (stamps were 10 cents when I started doing cards in 1975. I would think, what is 15 cents, then 20, then 30 cents, to say to a friend "I thought of you." Because it would be the only 'gift' you would receive from me I wanted them to be special.

Sometime in the middle of the hot summer I would dream of the card. Then I would begin working on them on Labor day. This was quite a task for me because I am not particularly artistic. I could only do so much. A few at a time until I completed them on Thanksgiving weekend. Many times the cards had something that only I knew the significance of, like the blue bird for Spencer photo shopped into the tree on the card.












This year I have not only not begun the cards, I went out a few weeks ago and purchased cards! Horrors, I still can't believe it. The earth did not tumble out of the universe, but I am still waiting anxiously lest the card police find me.

As the cards come in it is another marker for a different Christmas. As I read the boastful letters and the sweet letters and even one that is so filled with simple day to day experiences in the life of a family that it is just perfect; I am drawn to the bag of unsigned, unaddressed cards and really want to stay up all night getting them ready to mail. But I won't because I need my energy for tomorrow and most may not notice we didn't send a card this year. And if closer friends notice maybe they will stop and think of us and wonder. What they will wonder is a different story.

The burden pressing on my heart and mind is the reason my family chose to endure alone these past couple of months. And I don't like the answer. It is a sad commentary of many Christians today. Perhaps tomorrow I will explain.
My daughter shared this verse on her blog today:

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all"

Psalm 34: 17-19

Amen!

It's Beginning to FEEL a Lot Like Christmas

The past few weeks I have had great difficulty writing my thoughts because they were filled with personal tragedy and heartbreak. Not completely of course, most of the time the hope in my heart overcame those thoughts; however, whenever I put fingers to keyboard the deeper emotions would rise to the surface and I was not at liberty to share those thoughts. By the time I swept them away I didn't have anything I felt I could express. But God does provide us a way to deal with heartbreak. And that is through time. I have always heard people say time heals and I still don't agree. I know that God heals, but He did give us time and as each day passes He shows us that if we stay focused on Him our hearts grow stronger even if they have not healed.

I have always loved Christmas. As a child it was the only day of the year when I received a new toy and the only day when our family appeared "normal" to my eyes. The first year I was married my husbands grandfather passed away which allowed my husband to get leave from the Navy and allowed us to travel home. But it didn't feel like Christmas. It was different. The next one consisted of a 5 minute phone call from Greece where my husband was stopped on his tour with the Navy. Needless to say that was not the Christmas of my dreams either. A few years later we spent the Christmas season at the hospital and a Christmas Eve funeral left a huge scar on my heart. After that there was always a hint of sadness surrounding Christmas. I still loved the music and the lights and seeing faces light up when gifts were bestowed. It was just different. If someone experiences tragedy in December it somehow seems worse because "Christmas is coming". And if that tragedy involves a baby the pain appears magnified by this time of promised joy through the birth of a baby.

Today, with the assistance of my grandson and husband, I decorated my daughter's pink tree in her former bedroom. Though she is married this will always be her tree. My grandson began to sing "Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree" and suddenly it did begin to feel a lot like Christmas. When we finished it was so beautiful and it was just what I needed at the moment.

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

First Family Party

Daughter proves to be a born hostess! She is amazing and she knows why! (SIL is pretty incredible himself.) Our family kicked off the Christmas celebration by coming together. Only a few knew the strength behind pulling off this evening of fun. God is so good!

Tough Week

From The Power of a Praying Woman:
"We have no idea what great things God wants to do through us if we will just step out in faith when He asks us to. That's why He lets us go through some difficult times. Times when we feel weak and vulnerable. He allows certain things to happen so that we will turn to Him and give Him our full attention. It's in those times, when we are forced to pray in greater faith, that our faith grows stronger."

Clouds with silver linings.

Thanks Giving DAY 24 - PRECIOUS GIFT

Once upon a time my husband and I thought we could save the world! Or, at least, a tiny piece of it. Our efforts brought us an appreciation for how fragile and precious life is that many never experience. The only treasures that are truly worthwhile are the lives of those who cross your path on your journey. Our precious baby enriched our lives beyond measure. Every year we remember him at Christmas by placing a beautiful blue bird on our tree. The bird was on a gift of flowers for his special service.

I am so thankful that God allowed me to be Spencer's mother during his short time on earth. I know that he was well loved.

"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby,

some have entertained angels unawares."

Hebrew 13:2

Giving Thanks Day 23 - My Church

There was a time when saying "I am thankful for my church" or "I love my church" was as easy as breathing. I did love my church and my family spent many happy, worshipful, meaningful moments there. It was so easy to invite others. To tell them how much they would like my church and how important it could be in the life of their family. I was very involved, teaching and leading in many areas. I loved using my gifts of administration and teaching to serve God. I thought I was on my way to spiritual maturity. One day things changed.

And not for the better. One of my teachers complained to the SS Director that I wanted Disney books removed during class. I did. And I do not apologize for that. There are enough confusing messages out there for preschoolers. If Mickey Mouse was pretend, was Jesus pretend, too?
I got a lecture for it instead of support.
Then a Vacation Bible School (VBS) teacher was angry that she didn't get the room she wanted, and another was angry that her child didn't get the teacher she wanted. And others did not want their children with a certain teacher they did not like. Little things, but they were angry beyond reason and I wasn't ready. And most shocking of all, a teacher confessed to me that she had been deliberately trying to sabotage VBS. I let Satan have that round and I gave up(after 10 years) serving as VBS Director, which I dearly loved.

Next I put my energy into preparing to teach Parenting by Grace until I was told that I was not qualified. I had studied Parenting by Grace, I had taught parenting skills in my job, I was a Christian parent, parenting by grace myself. I was very confused by this information. No one stood in my support. I silently accepted this decision. I was so wounded, I let Satan win that round, too.

I was beginning to relate to Job very well. Unfortunately, I didn't have his spiritual strength. When my husband and I were told that our son could no longer serve as an usher due to his young age (16) I hurt for him far worse than I had been for myself. He had already served for a year, had stood before the church, after a mission trip, and declared that he felt God calling him into full time service, so this did not make sense. The manner in which this came down crushed my son's spirit and he soon began to go to a different church with a friend and later moved his membership. Because of our decision not to discuss this publicly for the sake of church unity our son felt that we, his parents, had not stood up for him. What we had not stood up for was for Jesus. Our savior would not have wanted this. Score another for Satan. By this time he must have been celebrating big time!

The last crushing blow for me was a call to inform me that I needed to meet with church leaders before I could teach in the new church year. Why? The answer "I'd rather not get into it before the meeting." In shock, it didn't even occur to me to ask why I was not told one-on-one of a problem, before being taken before a group. Biblical instructions are to confront one on one before bringing in another when there is an issue. I resigned on the spot, without attending the meeting. The meeting wasn't biblical but I should have attended in order to address that. Satan was now dancing with glee!

I later learned that my teaching the high school seniors to know what they believed before they left home was not in line with the regular Sunday School lessons. When a class member informed me that he would be drinking after the prom, I had warned the class about the penalties of underage drinking and that scripture tells us to obey the laws of the land. This had offended the student and when he complained, adults commiserated with him instead of standing up for his teacher. An interesting aspect was that the family through which Satan was now attacking me was the same family I had stood up for in the previous VBS teacher incident. Though hopefully this teacher never knew about her attackers.

I tried to be stoic as I continued in a state of post traumatic stress. Christ's church which I loved had caused immeasurable harm to my family. How could that be? I received two apologies along the way, but still the attacks continued. And I observed similar instances other families faced. And some left with broken hearts.

At one point when my family was ready to move on, we suddenly had a grandson depending on us to involve him in our church. He loved Vacation Bible School and was very excited about God and inviting friends to church. I believe that God is always in control and it was His plan to use our grandson to keep us in this church family.

The above events (and more) happened more than 10 years ago. Growth and attendance levels dropped after these events yet no one seemed to understand why. But I began to see how some who wanted perfection for a church of imperfect people were tempted off God's path by the great temptress, Satan. I, also, was pretty sure that those who were tempted did not even realize how cunning Satan had been in using them.
The one thing that was missing from my years of bible study was being ready for all of Satan's attacks. I wasn't expecting an attack from my Christian friends. When the world attacks I am not surprised, it does not hurt, it is expected. Friendly fire I had not considered. I had even taught my children to be ready for battle at school, but not at church. My pastor once said in a sermon that the church is the only institution that shoots its own soldiers.

In all difficult situations there are lessons to be learned and of course, I now realize that Satan had to attack my family through the church because that's where we were serving God. A friend whom I confided in during dark days asked me why I didn't change churches. The answer was simple, God was still there. If I left I would be giving up on imperfect people, treating others as they had treated me. That is not what scripture has taught us. The good news is that the next time Satan attacks I will not waste precious time wondering why. I will be ready!

Today I am thankful for all those who make up the body of my church which is still God's church.

"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."

1 Peter 2:9

GIVING THANKS DAY 22 - SENSES

In the right margin of my blog is a list of things I miss. If you don't know me well, you may wonder why I miss things that are readily available. The explanation is simple. I have lost one of my senses.

About five years ago I lost my sense of smell. This loss has been both frustrating and interesting. I have even cried when I realized I might never smell the ocean again or smell a baby after his bath.

This loss has been a blessing at times. Such as when a non-bathed alcoholic would show up for court and every one was complaining about the odor. I just smiled. It has been a problem when a person high on marijuana arrived at court and during my interview with them I didn't detect the odor of drugs. This could have been very serious when it involved sending a child home with this type of parent. Also, I cannot smell smoke or gas if there is a leak. Actually how I discovered the loss was burning bread in the oven. I did not realize it was burning until I saw the smoke. One day I went with my daughter to taste wedding cake samples and by the time the wedding day arrived I could not taste the cake I had been looking forward to enjoying.

The most life changing issue is that if you cannot smell, then your taste is distorted. The flavour from food comes from the smell of food. Hold your nose and eat a bite of something and you will see how it diminishes the flavour. I have not had a carbonated drink in almost five years. An ice cold Pepsi is something I will always miss, I believe. Some things are inedible, like carbonated drinks, dairy and most fruit. They taste awful. Other things taste like the smell of sulfur or hot tar as I remember it. I can detect sweetness although I cannot detect the flavor. I can taste salt so processed foods that are high in sodium simply taste like salt to me. Not very appetizing, believe me. And adding Texas Pete to every thing in order to taste at least a spiciness has caused blisters in my mouth.

The doctor warned me that I would gain weight because I would want to eat sweets because those would taste good. I was so determined to prove him wrong that I lost weight during the first year and was very careful about not eating sweets. But after a couple of years of bland tasteless food you really crave something delicious. The only thing I have found that is truly satisfying is good ole southern ice tea and coffee. I don't know what it is about coffee but anything with coffee flavor tastes pleasant to me. Can you say Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge Ice Cream?

You just do not know how important something is until you lose it. I would give up Coffee ice cream AND Sweet Tea if I could smell my husbands cologne or eat a slice of watermelon. When ever I am on the verge of a pity party, I just think of those with cancer. Cancer patients go through this all the time when undergoing chemo. The drugs can cause a temporary distorted taste. I do not have a life threatening illness. I cannot complain.

And today I am thankful that this week after 5 years I had a piece of buttered toast and it wasn't bad!