I believe what God's word says about life,
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you," Jeremiah 1:5
I vote life not pro choice. As far as I know my Christian friends vote the same way. Any of us would be quick to speak for pro life and against pro choice if we were asked our views. We would probably recite scripture to back up our claims. Why then do we act as if we do not believe this? How can we expect the world to understand our pro life view if we do not live as if we believe it.
When my daughter lost her third pregnancy we were heartbroken. We had viewed the ultrasound, we had prayed for the health of this child. We were devastated. Yet, when Christian friends asked how my daughter was doing and I replied, "She has lost her baby." (not a miscarriage) most said things like, "Oh, that happens, she can have another." Since when are human beings so easy to replace as in, "Oh, you dropped your cookie. Here, let me get you another one."
Thankfully there were a few who said, "I am so sorry. or I am sorry your family has to go through this." And I thank God for those few. Most asked intrusive questions, or made shocking remarks. Even from extended family. So much advice to be sifted through. My daughter, and me too, wanted to scream "This is the third time!"
Even her grandmother's first remark was, "How far was she?" This was the # one question. While we realize it is far more difficult to deal with losing a full term baby than an 11 week one, is one a greater tragedy than the other? That is IF we believe what we say we believe. A life is a life. It felt as if the compassion was rationed out based on how far along the pregnancy was.
Then I began to notice that people rationed out their joy and congratulations in the same way. When I announced to my morning exercise buddies that my daughter had just confided that she is pregnant, one of the women quickly remarked, "What is she, 5 days?" "Actually she is 5 weeks", I answered, and then proceeded to give a short lecture on why women do this to other women. Either you are pregnant or you are not pregnant. If you are pregnant then there is a life and if there is a life are we to ignore it until it is of a worthy age?
I think not. If there is life, then I have a grandchild on the way and it would be negligent of me to skip praying for that child because he or she was not "big enough" yet.
So, the result of all the thoughtless, and sometimes hurtful, remarks was that when my Daughter and Son-in-love were blessed with another pregnancy they decided to tell no one. They made this decision in order to avoid the painful remarks if things did not go well. They told me and my husband and my Daughter's boss and allowed me to share with a couple of friends who did not live nearby. So we had a very small prayer team. Eventually they allowed us to share with my son and his wife.
It is stressful keeping secrets, but the need was emphasized for me one Sunday when a friend at church asked about them. I simply said please pray and shared a recent story where an elderly relative had shook his finger at my daughter and said, "You better get to it." He did not know she was pregnant nor did he remember what she had gone through last spring. His shocking remark caused her to feel pressure to provide the family a child. Pressure she did not need. My "friend" said, "Daughter is hyper sensitive" and said it as a criticism. I became pretty hyper sensitive myself and I had to bite my tongue.
So we all held our breathes and prayed until the first ultrasound, all the while trying to hide our joy. A week after the first ultrasound there was a sign of trouble and another ultrasound was performed with a more hopeful outcome. During these weeks every time a the phone rang I was a little apprehensive about answering. When it was my daughter I didn't relax until I heard her sweet calm voice.
One day my daughter and I went shoe shopping and she allowed herself to walk through the baby section of the department store. Excitement creeping in at the thought of sweet babies.
Then came another ultrasound in December and thankfully a new, kinder and more compassionate doctor to give the dreaded news. Even the nurses in this practise said how sorry they were. And this time the hospital staff were even more compassionate because "it's her 4th loss. " For the rest of the world, my daughter dealt with this nightmare alone except for her husband and parents. This time there were no kind church members to bring food or friends to send flowers. We kept the secret so well that three days after undergoing surgery the two of them hosted our annual extended family Christmas party at their home and the guests didn't even know she had lost a child a few days before. Even writing that breaks my heart. They could have cancelled the party but then we would have had to explain why.
Grieving alone. All because we let others steal our joy. There are so many lessons to be learned through this. We shouldn't allow others steal our joy, live what you say you believe, and have mercy, show compassion and empathy for others pain or loss. All you need to do is say "I'm sorry" or simply give a warm hug. Neither of those things will take away the pain, but they won't add to it either. Allow women to grieve, don't try to sweep away their feelings. Every one's grief is different. I grieve not only for my grandchild but for the dream of motherhood for my child. I, also, grieve for my daughter's lost innocence. Life is hard and it is even harder to watch your children suffer. My daughter's grief is different from the worlds grief. She does not grieve as one without hope.
Grief seems more poignant at Christmas, perhaps because our thoughts are on a baby who came to save the world. There are so many reminders of God's love for us and He will magnify our Joy.
"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12
I am so excited about Thanksgiving. It has become one of my favorite days of the year. It is the one day that I can guarantee all of my family will be together plus maybe an extra sister or friend. We spend time being truly thankful by sharing before the meal and then play a game or two after the meal. The food is delicious, but it is only secondary to being together and focusing on our blessings. One member is always concerned about the way we took over America so one year we focused on the Indians. 
Last year it was so warm we played games outside.
... why anyone rakes leaves. 
It seems like such a waste of precious time. They will
Today I am thankful for falling leaves that remind us that seasons change as life changes and in a few months after cold dark days, there will be new life again.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:.."Ecclesiastes 3:1
Today I am thankful for many things. Most importantly, the freedom to worship in the house of the Lord! I am thankful once again for my family, two of my progeny were in worship with me today. 
My grandson read scripture today "in front of the whole church!" as he put it. It was a blessing to see him sitting and singing with the children's choir. 
He was on cloud nine!!
Because I am a perfectionist, I can make things pretty difficult for my family sometimes. Growing up in the abusive home of an alcoholic, this is what happens.
Many times I have repeated the simple verse of childhood "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Because I know that perfectionists are driven by fear.
"And above all things have fervent charity among
yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8
"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.
For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.
Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for rulers are servants of God, devoting themselves to this very thing.
Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor. "
Romans 3:1-7
The sun is still in the sky, there is air to breathe, Lucy and Desi are still fighting on TV Land and God is still and forever in control!
I never think about my age on my birthday; however I do think about my children's ages. Where did the time go?
I am very thankful that God gave me another year but I am no different than most. I do not like to dwell on my age only because the older you get the faster the days go by. I have so many projects I would like to accomplish that I do not want to consider the clock ticking on my time. I now dislike going into the Post Office because at the desk there is that clock ticking away the seconds. If you have to wait in line for your turn, then you must watch your life go by second by second. I pity those postal workers!
When you need to know my age I think it says more about you than me. Actually I am a little put off by persons asking my age. What I wonder is this. Why is it so important to know my age. If you think I am younger than I am would you change your opinion of me if you learned I am older. And if you think I am older and then learn my age, would that make a difference in how you treat me? Can we only be friends if we are the same age? Kind of takes you back to grade school, doesn't it?
I don't like the way society tags an age on people for everything. If your name is in the news for an achievement, there is your age as if it is very important to the story. I don't get it.
As I live out each day of my life I dwell on my age even less than I dwell on my weight. It just isn't very important in the grand scheme of things. Maybe one day when death is knocking at the door, I will be caught by surprise and say, "Wait, I didn't think I was that old!"
Birthday's could be much more exciting if everyone around me did not constantly remind me of the down side of aging. We talk about "aging" as if it is a disease that only afflicts a certain pitiful group. If the definition of aging is "the process of growing older" then anyone fortunate enough to be living is "aging", which makes it a desired process. And "aging" has been a positive experience for me in that it has caused me me to take more seriously the goals I want to accomplish. I have stopped procrastinating and gotten busy doing the things I “always wanted to do” and spending precious time with my family instead of thinking time is unlimited. Those were positive changes.
It seems everyone around me is determined that I feel as old as they evidently do. When my sister calls or e-mails me it is a sure thing that she will either mention age or ask if my husband has retired. I wonder, is she constantly thinking about her age? This really surprises me because she is a very busy person. She can hardly wait to reach retirement age. I am already where I want to be. I fired my boss in order to write and, Lord willing, I will write long past retirement age. Those who are longing for retirement may not be fully enjoying the now. I am not putting life's pleasures on hold. We are not promised tomorrow.
The last straw was being asked to serve as Senior Citizens Director at my church. I am just not ready to be my mother's leader! I declined.
“We know that in all things God works for the good
of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28
As October approached, my calendar began to remind me of the date I had written in ink for the approximate day of the birth of my grandchild. Because this was the third loss for my sweet daughter and her dear husband our thoughts and conversations often touch on adoption. I, also, have a daughter in law who was adopted as an infant. The wait for a newborn can be a long one. I think of all the babies that could have been adopted but were aborted.
While working in a non profit created specifically to advocate for neglected and abused children, I was told by my employer that my personal views on abortion were irrelevant. I do not think that they were. I might keep silent regarding my personal political opinions but the protection of children must begin even before they are born. As a christian my belief is a part of me that cannot be left at the door as I enter any arena.
Women can be prosecuted for using drugs that end the life of the unborn and two charges are sometimes brought against the one who murders a pregnant woman. Why, then must we look the other way when women choose to end the lives of their children. Can the agency which protects the rights of children work hand in hand with the agency which assists parents in terminating the life of a child?
I have been privileged to see so much beauty from the ashes of failure. God can take anything and use it for good. I have many friends who have adopted. Serving as a foster parent I had the joy of caring for adoptable children. My heart was broken when those children left my life, but the beauty they left behind is immeasurable. Three of the many boys I have advocated for are currently serving our country in the military. I am so proud of them and more importantly, they are proud of themselves.
Of the many terrible home situations I have witnessed, I have never, even for a second, thought the children should not have been born. The challenge was and is to encourage them to live beyond their obvious limitations whether it be poverty, abuse , physical or mental challenges, or, the most tragic of all, lack of family love and support.
"Children are a gift from God."
Psalm 127:3
Baby Spencer, one of God's beauties!
